Author Topic: The dead duck  (Read 2035 times)


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The dead duck
« on: Aug 03 2010, 06:08 PM »
A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet's clinic.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the duck's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said "I'm so sorry, your duck 'Cuddles' has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on the table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out of the room and returned a few minutes later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry but, as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his PC, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet just shrugged and said, "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it in the first place the bill would have been 20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now 150".

Offline Christina

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Re: The dead duck
« Reply #1 on: Aug 03 2010, 06:13 PM »
Lol  ;D  Behave yourself Sharon!!  I pity your poor consultant tomorrow if that's the standard of your jokes!!  Seriously, hope it all goes well hun.  Let us know when you can.

Chris xx
not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain ...


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Re: The dead duck
« Reply #2 on: Aug 03 2010, 06:21 PM »
I've got some far better ones Chris but perhaps only suitable for posting after the 9pm watershed   ;)
Perhaps I could try them on the surgeon tomorrow.....but I don't want him slicing my ears off!!

Going it at 8am so will hopefully be able to update you in the afternoon as long as I'm awake by then!!

Sharon xx


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Re: The dead duck
« Reply #3 on: Aug 03 2010, 06:32 PM »
All the best for tomorrow Sharon.
Will be thinking of you.
Barbara :)


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Re: The dead duck
« Reply #4 on: Aug 03 2010, 06:46 PM »
OOhh good luck Sharon, i hope it goes well, i will be thinking of you :)

Sally x

Offline Susie

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Re: The dead duck
« Reply #5 on: Aug 03 2010, 06:55 PM »
Good luck for tomorrow from me too Sharon,and definitely tell them some of your fab jokes ;)
Take care,
"Some mornings... it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps"