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Author Topic: joke  (Read 1926 times)

Offline glynis

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joke
« on: Jan 07 2011, 11:25 PM »
 :D A man goes the doctors and says" I need to loose some weight."

Doc says " stick all your food up your bum for a week then come see me."

The man goes back and says "its worked great and lost a stone in weight,"

he goes to walk out of the room and doc says," why are you walking funny ?"

Man says " Im chewing a caramel ". ;D
look for the good in everyone and have a good life !!!

Offline Diablo

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Re: joke
« Reply #1 on: Jan 08 2012, 06:15 PM »
Argh!
Here's some that I just posted on my 'depression' forum to cheer them up.
(http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk)

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home. "
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull** before.

11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him".
So he picks the dog  up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?!, Because he's cross-eyed?!?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

12. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "no, the steaks are too high."

15. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor!, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms".

16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week....
and pulled a mussel.

17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um...well... I have five pe**ses" replies the man.
"Good grief!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
 
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

Steve


Offline shell

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Re: joke
« Reply #2 on: Jan 09 2012, 08:25 PM »
You made my day. Thank you